Lexpert magazine features articles and columns on developments in legal practice management, deals and lawsuits of interest in Canada, the law and business issues of interest to legal professionals and businesses that purchase legal services.
Issue link: https://digital.carswellmedia.com/i/1161185
LEXPERT MAGAZINE | AUGUST 2019 13 Why Do Lawyers Choose Not to Disclose Mental Illness? Despite the astonishing number of law- yers living with mental illness, there are very few of us speaking openly about our conditions. ere are many reasons why people living with mental illness do not disclose. Lawyers face the same issues as people outside the profession in terms of stigma, but the nature of our work means that we may face additional challenges because of our personalities and choice of career. My personal experience lead me to stay silent for several reasons: Fear of Job Loss/Reduction. People who live with depression and/or anxiety are oen catastrophizers. We tend to think the worst is going to happen. Cognitive distortions lead our minds to convince us of things that aren't true. ese distortions include all or nothing thinking. I was sure that if my bosses knew I was bipolar they would think I didn't have what it takes to manage a busy litigation practice. It's not that I thought might lose my job if they found out; I was convinced I would. Even if I wasn't going to be fired, I was certain that I'd be relegated to doing dog files for the rest of my career if management found out about my mental illness. Perfectionism. In a 2017 American Bar As- sociation Task Force report on mental health in the legal profession it was re- ported that many lawyers "have a strong sense of perfectionism and believe they must display this perfectionism at all times". Many lawyers have a hard time tolerating our mistakes. is reinforces our reluctance to disclose the presence of mental illness. Stigma. ere is tremendous stereotyping of mentally ill people both inside and outside the office. I feared adverse reactions by oth- ers. I was afraid that some of my colleagues would disapprove of me having a mental ill- ness and/or disapprove of me revealing my illness. I worried that they would see me as weak at best and a blight on the workplace at worst. Gossip. Few things travel faster through the grapevine than rumours of mental insta- bility. e legal community is small. I was convinced that if people found out about my mental illness, I'd be a hot topic of con- versation around the water cooler in my of- fice as well in other law offices where I was known. In addition, the thought of clients finding out was especially troubling. As a litigator I'm expected to be seen by my clients as strong and unflappable. Many people confuse mental illness with weak- ness and I didn't want to risk clients seeing me that way. No Role Models. During the 14 years of con- cealing my illness I only ever had one con- versation with another person, a teacher, who has bipolar disorder. We had an infor- mative discussion exchanging stories of hos- pitalizations, treatments and how bipolarity impacts our lives. It helped both of us nor- malize our illnesses. I did not know of any lawyer who was open about having a major mental illness and I did not try to seek one out. I'm not sure I would have known how to begin such a search. Fortunately, role models are finally com- ing out of the woodwork. A case in point is the revelation by Supreme Court Justice Clément Gascon in May 2019: For over twenty years, I have been deal- ing with a sometimes insidious illness: de- pression and anxiety disorders. is is an illness that can be treated and controlled, some days are better than others… [v] By making this statement, Justice Gascon delivered a powerful message that chal- lenges a common stereotype that people who live with depression and anxiety can- not have successful and productive careers. Justice Gascon received tremendous sup- port from most people in the legal com- munity, including his Supreme Court col- league, Chief Justice Richard Wagner. A top aide to the Chief Justice assured the media that it wouldn't affect Justice Gascon's abil- ity to continue on the bench. [vi] What does this mean for law offices? Based on the statistics and the array of rea- sons why lawyers don't want to disclose mental illness, it is evident that law offices across the land are teeming with lawyers who have mental health challenges. We may be aware of one or more of our colleagues who has a mental health issue. But there is a virtual guarantee that there are others, whom we aren't aware of, living with mental health issues in silence. How I Came to Share My Story In the summer of 2016, two colleagues spoke with me separately about mental ill- ness in their families. One had a daughter who was an out-patient at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health; the other a mother who was an inpatient at that hospi- tal. I listened to their stories without initially revealing mine. But I wondered if it might be helpful to share my thoughts on the im- portance of being pro-active in dealing with mental illness and what can be done to stave off relapse. Aer mustering up the courage I took the plunge and shared my story with them. My colleagues didn't bat an eyelash and we had great conversations. It felt wonderfully cathartic and empow- ering to share my story. It was so liberating that, aer keeping my illness a secret for 14 years, I decided to come out of what I call the "mental illness closet". I was in a privi- leged position: my mood had been stable for many years although I live with a lot of anxiety. I was surrounded by a supportive family and network of friends. I had been in the same workplace for many years and had good job security as a hard worker and effective lawyer. It was unlikely at this stage that I would lose my job if my employer found out that I have bipolar disorder. I wrote a short essay outlining my story and gave it to a few people in my office. Putting it in writing ensured that I told these colleagues everything I wanted to say without the potential awkwardness of a face-to-face conversation. My colleagues were amazingly supportive. I eventually handed the essay to my legal director. She could not have been more understanding and reassuring. I decided to do the hardest thing I've ever done in my life – make a presentation to the 45 members of my office. I gave myself two months to prepare prior to a monthly staff meeting in March 2017. e weeks lead- COVER STORY FEATURES