Lexpert magazine features articles and columns on developments in legal practice management, deals and lawsuits of interest in Canada, the law and business issues of interest to legal professionals and businesses that purchase legal services.
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12 LEXPERT MAGAZINE | AUGUST 2019 Background I was 27 when the first symptoms of bipo- lar disorder crept into my life. At the time I was a first- year associate in the litigation department of a large Bay Street firm. It was a combination of work stress, a tendency towards perfectionism and a predisposition towards worrying too much that led to my brain chemistry turning on me. I sank into a dark place. Normally a high functioning, hard work- ing and well-regarded lawyer, I was con- vinced that I was a failure. I was sure that I was constantly on the verge of making a major mistake. My former healthy sense of self was shattered. My biggest dread was that colleagues and clients would find out that I was ill. Aer a few months of feeling hopeless I saw a psychiatrist and reluctantly started taking an antidepressant. Fortunately for me I respond well to medication and quickly returned to my old self. I enjoyed two years of stable mood and then during a stressful period at work and in my personal life I stopped sleeping. Over the course of a few days my mood ramped up and I became hypomanic. Despite the lack of sleep I felt energized, euphoric and super- productive. I was also irritable and talked a lot to the point that no one could inter- rupt me. My psychiatrist took me off my medication and prescribed other drugs to bring me back to ground. Over the course of the following six years I had several major depressive episodes, brief periods of elevated moods and long stretch- es of normal moods between the ups and downs. I kept my psychiatrist busy tweaking my medication to try to find balance. At its most extreme, mania can lead to psychosis, where one loses touch with real- ity. is happened to me during the Christ- mas holidays of 2002. My partner le me unexpectedly. I stopped sleeping, a sure sign I was en route to a manic episode. My mood spiralled upward and I became floridly psy- chotic. I was convinced that my father was God and my nephew (who incidentally was born on Christmas Day three years earlier) was the Second Coming. My brother took me to the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto. I presented as agitated and argumentative. I threatened one of the staff psychiatrists and quickly found myself placed in four-point restraints and shot full of antipsychotic medication. at began a two-week stint as an in-patient. I was officially diagnosed with bipolar I disorder. When I was discharged from the hos- pital, two themes played out. Firstly, I was obsessed with the thought that I'd get de- pressed or manic again. I read lots of books and articles on bipolarity and learned that many people get sick again. I was convinced that it was just a matter of time before I would experience a deep low or an uncon- trollable high. Secondly, I was mortified at the possibil- ity that people would find out about my mood disorder and hospitalization. e stereotype of people with bipolar disorder appears to be that we are inherently unstable and unreliable. I certainly did not want to be thought of in those terms as a lawyer. As a result of stigma, both societal and self-im- posed, I did not share my story outside my family and closest friends for 14 years. In any given year, one in five Canadians will experience a mental health problem sig- nificant enough to require treatment. By the time Canadians reach 40 years of age, one in two have—or have had—a mental illness [i]. e numbers are dramatically higher for lawyers. In 2016 the American Bar Associa- tion published a study of nearly 13,000 cur- rently practising lawyers. Another alarming statistic is that only one-third of people with a mental illness seek help for their condition. [ii] It found that lawyers live with almost four times the level of depression (28%) and anxiety (19%) over the general population. Also, between 21% and 36% of lawyers are considered to be problem drinkers. "There are many reasons why people living with mental illness do not disclose. Lawyers face the same issues as people outside the profession in terms of stigma, but the nature of our work means that we may face additional chal- lenges because of our personali- ties and choice of career." By Beth Beattie